I read an article today on the wonderful 43 Folders titled, Resolve Conflict Quickly with The Four Agreements. I quote:
You can spend hours generating theories about why someone did something, or you can just ask. When someone lashes or does something unexpected, save time by seeking clarification.
This notion struck a cord with me. Occasionally, I hear someone make some comment to me that I believe was hurtful. I’ll wonder why he or she made such a remark, and let it drive me crazy. Why not simply ask him or her to quality the statement? Genius.
The solution to every social problem is to not care about it. Don’t ignore it, just cease to care.
The problem with asking for clarification is that you let on to the other person that their intents are in question. This may cause them to hide a deeper answer, if there is one, and may prevent them from revealing it if you had just waited.
I’m a bit of a stoic, so my statements may seem odd to some people.