Rough weeks trigger lengthy and significant blog posts, it turns out.
Due to many personal stresses, including recent developments on the college admissions front, I have dug myself into a temporary sadness and a currently persisting physical sickness. I’ve spent my weekend trying to nurse myself back to happiness and health; my attempts have had variable success. If you’ll bear with me though this lengthy post, I’ve reached a turning point that I’d like to share with you. I’ll break down the recent events of my life and try to tie them together.
The End of High School
This last Thursday marked “100 days” left until my high school graduation, an event I’m eagerly dreading. I haven’t been an officer for my class in two years due to taking a position as Student Council President, but I’ve always offered my support. On account of this, I was pleased when I was asked to put together a slideshow of photographs consisting of members of my class. This slideshow was to be shown at a breakfast to celebrate the number of days left until graduation.
Although I’m glad I put it together, it was a very difficult process. Scanning photos with my friend Matt took hours, and cropping them into a slideshow was tedious. More than that, though, I saw pictures of my friends and acquittances as they grew up, all together, in this small town. It hardly felt fair for me to put the presentation together, seeing as though I had only lived in this town for six years of the twelve years of public education. It was an emotional hurdle I hadn’t anticipated.
Regardless, the breakfast ceremony wasn’t a disaster. In fact, it’s had me thinking about my future. My class’ officers asked a few influential teachers and faculty members to say a few words at the ceremony. One of those people gave us this wisdom about Dover Plains:
You guys all know that there’s nothing for you here. Get out, come back, and tell us how you did. Make us all proud.
I’ve known this for years. The town I live in, unfortunately, is a dead end. Regardless, I love it to death. I even wrote one of my essays for MIT on it, and truly meant every touching word I said. (I’m considering posting that essay on the blog. Let me know if you’re interested.)
What the speaker said had me think about all of the work I’ve done to try to improve Dover High School. I’ve had successes due to hard work, and I’ve had failures due to improper planning, the actions of others, and the bureaucracy characteristic of a public school.
I have a few projects, “unfinished business”, on my list of “help Dover” endeavors. Recently, I’ve been wondering whether or not to scrap that list. I’ve gone through the system and put in more work and hours than most people do. I’ve been thinking, why not just let it rest?
I can’t let it rest. I’ve gone through my time at Dover High School believing that I must always try to make the environment better for the next person. It’s the idea that’s defined my career thus far, and I can’t quit now. It’s why I’m alive, isn’t it? I’ll have some interesting stories involving my final hurrah to share, I bet.
Ear Surgery
In the midst of my normal routine, I’ve been wondering if or when I’ll claim an unknown “amount” of hearing back after my surgery almost one month ago. Since my last appointment with my surgeon, when he took a lot of “packing” out of my ear, I’ve been picking up high-pitch sounds, like a female’s voice. The sensations are very sharp and painful, but I expect them to get better.
It’s been my March Resolution to dedicate myself to healing. I haven’t done that as well as I would have liked to. My “can do” lifestyle hasn’t been kind to me, but I’ve been trying to adjust.
College Admissions
In the last week and a half, I was accepted to Lafayette and RPI. Lafayette’s acceptance letter didn’t come with a complete financial aid package; the big envelope only delivered the news that I had been selected to receive the school’s highest merit scholarship, the Marquis Scholarship. RPI’s letter came with a financial aid package that I consider to be lackluster.
Last Thursday, as I was about to start my last hurrah on the Senior Slideshow, my Mom gave me a letter from MIT - a small envelope. My heartbeat instantly quickened as I rushed to open the letter which I knew would bring me bad news. It started:
We have finished the selection process for MIT’s Class of 2012, and while we are unable to offer you admission at this time, we have placed you on our Wait List.
That was my bitter introduction to the proper noun, “Wait List”. The remainder of the letter told me I could either choose to remain on or withdraw from the list.
I’ve come this far, so I’ve decided to stay. Although I know the odds are impossibly small, I would never forgive myself if I didn’t stick around to see what happens.
Turning Point
I’ve had a frustrating week, one which has plunged me into feeling ill. If you’ve been monitoring my presence online, I haven’t been overwhelming positive. The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated, and I hope to play my cards the best I can. Essentially, I’m not really going to change anything in my life right now. I’m just going to keep going, doing my best. It’s a very faux turning point, isn’t it?
Just bare with me as I get back on my feet. It’s easier to write a blog post than to put thought into action, but it’s a step.
Another thought: A huge thanks to the people who have given me their kind words while I’ve been working through this.
It seems that no matter where you are from, be it a rural Dover Plains, suburban Brewster, a business city like White Plains, or the economic capital of the world, your hometown (taken very loosely, Rick) never has any opportunities for you. Maybe outsiders, but not you. Even teachers at BHS who grew up here live in Connecticut… somewhere. As for the ear surgery, … I guess I’ve nothing to say, except that I’m still hoping the ends justify the means. Also, I’m thankful to know that American colleges (and my high school) are keeping the USPS alive and well.
Hey Ricky! I’ve actually started reading your blog since I recently saw it in your buddy info. The MIT essay you were talking about in “The End of High School” sounds really interesting, and I would love to read it if you wouldn’t mind posting it!!
Also, what grade did you start here in? I had no idea that you were a “newbie” at some point! I came in sixth grade, and when everyone was showing everyone else all of their pictures as little kids I felt the same way you did. I felt like I was a stranger here and that I was missing out on something. When Amber was talking about some field trip they went on in fifth grade everyone was excited and conversing about how much fun it was while i was just kind of in the corner saying “oh yea, sounds like fun guys.” I guess I just miss out on the fact that all of my elementary memories reside in the town of Carmel, and not here. I do have to say though that since 6th grade I have eventually come to the conclusion that I’m happy I was moved here, and that I’m really going to miss this town next year. *aww mushy moment*
God, who was that honest about Dover??
@Michael: That’s an interesting perspective, but I think there’s more possibility for someone in a larger and more urban place like White Plains, for instance. But I see what you’re saying… good point.
@Ailin: Oh my God! Someone’s reading my blog!
I’m so happy.
I’ll post the essay soon. I started in Dover in seventh grade. I went to Carmel for Kindergarden, Brewster for 1-4 grades, and Carmel for 5-6. - I mean, it’s not a big thing feeling left out from those early memories, but you feel it, right? I can’t tell you how many times Matt said, “remember ______?” and I had to reply, “No… I don’t.”
I didn’t know you went to Carmel! Woo, we’re Carmel buddies.
I’ve very happy I’m here, too. I feel like being a decent person has always been encouraged, and the smaller atmosphere has made it more personal.
@Kim: Gertie
I should have known she was the only person badass enough to speak the truth.
haha yes! I like reading these blog things. Also, i totally agree with what you said about the smaller atmosphere definitely having a good impact. I also like that people here accept you for who you are, and everyone has at least one close friend. WOOO! carmel buddies yayyy! haha i went to white plains for kindergarten, mahopac for first grade, and carmel for 2-5. So I came here in 6th grade..but I hardly remember much from 6th grade at all haha
@Kim: Yup.
@Ailin: You know, in some places, being intelligent is a bad thing… and it’s never been a bad thing in Dover. Wow, we were both in Carmel in 5th grade. Who would have thought that?
Thanks for a sincere post about the difficulties you’ve been facing lately. Remember that tough times come and go, and you’ll pull through this sooner or later. God bless!